Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
