I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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