Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
