Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I need moral support for this bender
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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