Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
