walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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