guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
