Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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