Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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