I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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