I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Is Oprah even human
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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