Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize