ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
