He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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