I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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