I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
