ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
