Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Let's get the cat blown out
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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