Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
two words: eviction party
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He? As in you personified your dick?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
