Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
