I think my vagina is haunted
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
