Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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