i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
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