Plan B is the new Plan A
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
