she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
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