I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
