She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
