I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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