Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
