dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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