Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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