There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
