This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
