I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I skipped work to stalk him.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
