I hate all girls vehemently.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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