You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
