She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
