There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
