You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
