I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
we should paint friendship bongs
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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