someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize