I skipped work to stalk him.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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