So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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