Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Boobs speak an international language.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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