I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
