THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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