Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
well you can't waste a boner
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
