Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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