At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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