Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
3pm strippers are depressing
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
