Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
