Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
