So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
