Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
