No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
