i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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