The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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