ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
How does it feel to date your dad?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
