broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize