HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
