Yo dont text me then not text me
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
