i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
