Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize