Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
