i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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