At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Please don't give away my fajitas
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
