so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
