Need sex. Gaining weight.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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