The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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