Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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