mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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