TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Cover your peen. We're going out.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
