She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
