Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
