I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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